Signs…they are everywhere at my parents home. When you walk in you will see a sign taped on the door…
“Jer – do not go outside.”
Walk to the bathroom and you will see another taped to the top of the toilet lid
“Jer – sit down when you pee.”
Walk to the basement and on the TV Receiver you will see another one.
“Jer – DO NOT TOUCH THE BUTTONS.” That one is capitalized because Mom has a really hard time fixing the remote when he touches the buttons.
Walk to the refrigerator and you will see
“Jer – do not eat your lunch until 12:00”
Walk to the phone and you will see
“Jer – do not answer the phone”. This one is for when Mom is gone. Because he won’t remember who called so she would rather they leave a message. This one might seem trivial…but the phone is Mom’s lifeline…it’s her connection to “all things normal” don’t mess with her lifeline.
Someday he will no longer be able to read the signs. So I know I’m still one of the lucky ones. Things are still manageable. If you want to call repeating yourself hundreds of times a day and communicating with your husband (or Father) of 50 plus years like a 6-year-old manageable. We are great at denial…we don’t allow ourselves to go to that place…you know the place…it’s when you allow the future to seep in…and you get a glimpse of his final days…or months…when you silently barter with GOD…Please GOD…give me the signs…I’ll take them…give me the repetition of repeating myself…But please don’t give me this. That’s where we hover…like Alzheimer’s Purgatory. You know something worse is coming…but you don’t know when.
It’s all compartmentalized nice and tidy. Our “new normal” works until we see some of their friends out and about…and I see how simple and easy it is for them to go to dinner or shopping and a nice walk. I see how easy it is to carry on a conversation with my dad’s friends about football…or the good old days. It’s what retired people should be doing….not making signs and taping them everywhere because you are so tired of repeating yourself…and you understand you can’t watch him every minute of everyday…but it’s “not time” yet. It’s not time to go that “place.”
So for now we will continue to make light of the signs…it’s what we do…
Losing Dad 